The value of attention

A friend recently related their thanks at something I’d ‘given’ them – confidence. Over the time I’ve known them, they’ve consistently done well across a range of things, not all of which I was directly involved in. I’ve quietly admired their work, and at a pivotal moment I played their accomplishments back to them. I bolstered their self-belief and in doing so helped them seize … Continue reading The value of attention

YouTube projectors

Before I learned to better understand other people’s thinking, I’d pick all sorts of holes in their reasoning based on assumptions I’d made. Often based on feelings I was projecting onto them. This isn’t all that helpful – it creates heat without much light. When I notice that I’ve gotten caught up doing a similar thing now, I enjoy reading some YouTube comment threads. They … Continue reading YouTube projectors

Listening and solving

Asking is good. “How are things with you?” Actually listening to the answer is even better, and not a little scary sometimes. If you’re curious and truly listen, you don’t know what you’re going to hear. But you’re not on the hook for fixing everything. You’re don’t even have to agree with everything. You can just listen. That’s a gift to someone who needs to … Continue reading Listening and solving

Have you heard enough

If you don’t get where they’re coming from, or their point doesn’t make sense, perhaps you haven’t listened carefully enough. Perhaps you weren’t really listening at all – maybe you were just about hearing, but filling with your own expectations and understanding. It pays to make sure you’re aligned and calibrated around shared vocabulary and understanding, and listening pays dividends with that. Even it it’s … Continue reading Have you heard enough