Goals and challenges are not the same

Many folks think having goals is motivating, and they can be. The words goal and challenge aren’t synonymous though, and the difference is important. I can set a goal of running 5km and, for me, that wouldn’t be motivating precisely because it’s not a challenge. For someone else it will be and I salute anyone tackling what they find difficult – not what I might … Continue reading Goals and challenges are not the same

The thing about setting boundaries

Well, yes, it’s almost certainly going to be uncomfortable. You feel the need to set boundaries because you’re tired of how things are after a long time without them, or with poor ones. Which means someone else has been getting something by stepping over where the boundaries would’ve been helpful. So… They’d rather not see them in place, ‘cos they’ll have to change. You’ll be … Continue reading The thing about setting boundaries

Consider where your attention is

The last line of an audio exercise I find helpful is: “Consider where do you need to put your attention right now, to make the most of the situation you’re in.” It’s a reminder that we have some choice and positive influence, even in a position we wouldn’t have chosen. It acknowledges that while perhaps you can’t make the situation great, you can make things … Continue reading Consider where your attention is

The spouse-ish and heads/tails tests

I’m enjoying reading “How to Begin” by Michael Bungay Stanier. In it, he refers to the ‘Spouse-ish’ test as one way of getting illumination. How your partner/BFF/sibling responds to your declared goal can be a helpful guide. Not that their response shows the right way forward for you necessarily (they have their own agenda after all), but it gives you something to consider with curiosity. … Continue reading The spouse-ish and heads/tails tests

Necessary and sufficient alignment

In the company of others, if you want to progress without untoward difficulty, have meaningful conversation, or pleasantly share life’s journey, there needs to be some alignment. That’s not to say everyone wants the same results, or that they’re in agreement – only that there’s sufficient shared direction and common ground that a mutually good result is possible. If there isn’t sufficient alignment there, take … Continue reading Necessary and sufficient alignment